The University of Donald Trump … How to Survive 

Today we all became students at Trump University. 

There is no manual so I figured I would share some of my survival tips below:

There are no science classes or foreign language courses so do not stress the workload. 

The ‘learn to talk with your hands’ is the best class. 

Get a fantastic lawyer and bankruptcy attorney because the tuition contract has a shit ton of fine print. 

Set up a VPN because the internet on campus goes to one news site. 

Learn how to count cards so you can beat all the new casinos on campus.

Do not to spray paint the Giuliani statues. 

Avoid the giant Chris Christie steak sandwich

Learn to golf. 

You are welcome.